Tips for faster driving in namma bengaluru !

Who doesn't hate Bangalore traffic? 50km/hour is merely a possibility on your speedometer. Pizzahut would run in loss if it had fewer centers as it has to give away free pizzas for not delivering in time. If you always happen to be stuck in a slow moving traffic and signal then after reading this article you will be able to enrich your driving experience. Just join our 80% group. 80 % of the people who drive think driving is to accelerate, hit the brakes and honk . And some take special concerns to learn the amazing art of abusing, solely meant to be used while driving. Well, this is all you need when you are driving on Bangalore roads. If you know anything else, never try applying it because it will only make your Journey lengthier, harder and would take you forever to reach your destination.

You might be an amazing driver but you will never belong to the 80% group till you acquire the following skill set!

Tips for 2 Wheeler:

1. When entering the main road from a sub road always enter the road without caring for vehicles moving on the main road. People are going to abuse you and you will create a jam which will clear only after 20 minutes but it will save you 2 minutes as you need to get your vehicle out first

2. If you are entering the main road from a sub road then never horn. Give a surprise to the drivers on the main road. This not only helps in testing their alertness but also helps to test their vehicle's braking system. It is also possible that you happen to be Tom Cruise, shooting for 'Mission Impossible'. Every second counts.

3. If you find a shortcut and it happens to be a one way, the direction opposite to yours , then check for police. If there is no one, then enter the road. Pedestrian might get confused and startled, some vehicle coming from a side road might have to hit hard on their brakes, but it saves loads of time ' Hey! it's called shortcut for a reason'. Law is to be followed whenever/wherever absolutely necessary.

4. If any vehicle from the sub road is trying to go across the main road then drive your vehicle around this vehicle, so you can go first. Yes, the driver was trying to test if you can drive in curved lanes.

5. If vehicle A is overtaking B and you feel both are slow , then you overtake A simultaneously even if you have to ride in the opposite lane . Remember to overtake before you spot a vehicle in opposite lane. This saves at least 1 minute else you may have to slow down, use your abusive language to defend yourselves against the one coming in the opposite lane as an effective response to your lack of sense of driving.

6. And when you want to try the above and there is no space towards your right , then overtake B from the left as A overtakes from right . B might crash onto your vehicle, or worse hit the brake and, the vehicles behind might bump into B but it's okay. Drivers expect themselves to be a part of 'fast and furious' car chase and of course you will be safe as long as B belongs to 20% group drivers.

Tips for 4 Wheeler:

1. Even when you are driving a huge 4 wheeler , if there is a thin lane which is the shortcut to your destination or avoids traffic, then enter the lane. All 2 wheelers come with an inbuilt flying system. Vehicles from your opposite direction may not have space to drive past you but can certainly fly. If there is another macho man like you, who also entered the thin lane with his huge 4 wheeler in the opposite lane then you can put your abusing skills to display. The mightier man wins and the other will have drive his vehicle in reverse till he finds a route to take a turn.

2. Even though there is a clear sign to drive slow and also instruction in the manual about the speed limitation , drive as fast as you can when you see an empty road. There is a little secret you need to know. All 4 wheelers are actually meant for F1.  So braking system is very robust and high speed driving is recommended. Besides who would come your way when you are driving that crazy unless it is a helpless street dog or someone who is not paying attention to your reckless , oops ...I mean skilled driving.
 
Signal Tips for everyone:

1. If the signal turns red from yellow then accelerate, though it means to decelerate. Someone ahead of you might decelerate and you might crash on to him or you might stop the other lane vehicles who have green signal, but it will save your 3 minutes time. It's a loss for others on road who do not have an effective strategy like you.

2 a. If you are already stuck in a signal and you are waiting by the stop sign then don't wait till the signal goes green. Keep moving your vehicle ahead, inch by inch, till the other road vehicles can't get past your vehicle and let's you go first.

2 b. If you are stuck in a signal and you are not ahead then enter the opposite lane to reach the front. This will result in many more vehicles following your's and creating a jam but they must send you first to clear the jam . Here also people are going to abuse you, you can abuse them back and drive like a VIP, after all you are going to be the one who will be made to go first.

2 c. If the above is also not possible then start honking once the signal is yellow from red because everyone else at the signal might be sleeping or may not have any other work other than just waiting at the signal.

Tips for parking:

1. If you find a parking space on the road, do not attempt to park it along the guiding lines with the center stand! Park it, randomly. If someone needs space to park their vehicle they will push your vehicle and make space. This saves your 1 minute of time to park correctly. Who needs parking precision anyways.

2. If you find a parking lot on the road and already packed with vehicles then park your vehicle behind those parked vehicles. People who have parked may not be able to pull their vehicles out but you will save your time to find a new parking spot which ranges from 1-5  minutes.

3. If there is no parking space at all then randomly park your vehicle on the road. Your vehicle will be safe because there are plenty of other vehicles parked on the road like yours. Police can pick at max 3 vehicles at once. Like what are the odds that they would pick yours. And they might not even notice that it is not a parking space as so many vehicles are parked.

Tips for pedestrian:

This might look totally unrelated as it is not about the drivers but these are the actors who contribute to the wonderful drama on road in absence of 80% group drivers. 

1. When you are in a hurry, don't see if any vehicles are coming. Just run across. We all know vehicles have brakes.Vehicles will stop it if they don't want to be in jail. It's worth risking your life for saving 15 seconds to 1 minute.

2. When you are in doubt if the vehicle is going to slow down while you try to cross, keep moving back and forth to build confusion until the driver gives up and hits the brake. Good for you as you can now peacefully cross the road.

3. If you do not wish to see the vehicles coming onto you then look in the opposite direction and cross. That's how buffaloes and cows cross the road. I haven't seen any buffalo dead on road till date.

Well who need driving skills, road sense anyways. Some blame women for bad driving skills, I don't know since when majority of the population turned into women.

So to which group do you belong ?

Azaad Panchi- Journey of a bird!

I was taking a break from work , looked around in office and everyone were busy with their work  . So went and stood by the window and started watching the busy road . There was a rush . Everyone on the road had an objective to reach some place. Each one oblivious of the other . People were indulged in their own thoughts to complete their objective.

Then there were birds up in the sky . The sparrow, the crow and many other small birds which flew across the building and the Kites up above all , flying like the king of the sky without caring about the busy road . They just flew. They did not have the objectives or aims like those of the people on the busy road.

Don't think they don't have aim for their life. They do! Completing everyday's mundane task is the aim of their life. They fly to find food, when there is a weather change , they fly across to a new place against all odds, be it the wind or heat or storm, build a new nest and start to search food again. During the breeding season , they reproduce offspring. Also save themselves and it's offspring from being a pray to the predators. You might call them coward, helpless creatures as they don't stand against their predators but in reality they are more brave than you know. Even when they know there might be danger out there, they don't give up. They fly, they search food and do everything it takes to fulfill the aim of their life.

Then, what about those birds which are caged ? How do they fulfill their aims? They don't get to fly , they don't get to have freedom. Cage is their life. They never get to fulfill their dreams. Well, that's the story of our lives too. How different are we from those caged birds ? We all want to have the life of a free bird, a life more fulfilling. We want to fly , we want to fulfill and achieve the dreams of our lives but somewhere we are just caged , tied in the shackles of office work or caught in the drift of our own fears. Even if we succeed from not getting caged we end up being the pray of a Kite or other predators .If you are employed to someone, you know what I am talking about. You put in endless hours of effort  just to make someone higher up in the ladder realize their dreams . Your life ends up in fulfilling someone else's dream and never yours. Have you never cursed such a life?

But then there are personalities like that of the Kite who fly high in the sky, like they own it.They know they are born to rule. They not only feed on smaller helpless birds but also do not have the fear of being caged, because they are the 'Azaad Panchi's having the freedom to be the pilot of their life. To them problems are like the turbulent winds which help them only to fly higher and get a better view.They achieve everything they desire, against all odds.

So ,when are we going to be 'The Kite' of our life? Will we ever be able to break the chain and set ourselves free? Or is it just our fate like those of the unfortunate birds? Well , it's a choice we have to make.

P.S: Too much of philosophy . Swalpa adjust maadkoli  :P

Jana Marlo ? Jaatre Marlo ?

Before you proceed reading the article  , I want you to know that this article is not intended to prove anyone right or wrong but its just my analogy on human psychology.

Buyer: "eerulli hege? "( How much is onion ?)
Seller:" embattu rupaay kg saar" ( 80 rupees per kg , sir)
Buyer:"  yella kade yepattide. yepatt hakondu ond kg kodu " (Its 70 everywhere. Give me at 70/per kilo)
seller: "ayyo illa sir, bekadre combo deal togoli , arvattige hakodtini " ( No , its not possible. But we have a combo deal  . You will get it at less than 60)
Buyer: " Haagadre combo deal-e togotini , yenadu?" (then I will take that . What is the combo deal?)
Seller: " 37560 ge ipad with retina display , idar jote ond kg eerulli, haage free items. Olle dealu sir . Fast moving item-u" ( for 37560, you get an ipad with retina display, a kilogram of onion and other freebies. Its a good deal and is a fast moving item)

You thought  its a joke . It is but the irony is it's reality too . And we the buyers especially in the 21st Century end up buying ipad when we had plans to buy just a kilogram of onion. I am not saying its just others , I do it all the time. Recently I had plans to buy a good camera. I always thought it's just dSLRs are for show off. But when I saw an offer on a dSLR without second thoughts I wanted to own it. This greed took over me and I decided to shell out a little more to buy an better on instead. I don't know if it would have made difference had I not bought this! With all the pain of taking it around like a baby is too painful. I am sure this must have happened to you too.

You might say no ( or even noooooooooo ) but we do buy loads of things round the year that we hardly use. It might be because we think its a cool offer or I am getting it at a cheap price or everyone says that product is amazing, so why not own one?  I know you are still saying no , but remember the last time you bought your phone just because CNET and other online reviews said *amazing features*and all your colleagues and friends owned one. My question is are you going to use at least half of those * amazing features* .No , you don't and you know it too. You might say 'I am using at least half of those features' . I am pretty sure you would have found a phone with those features you use  for cheaper price which CNET did not give 'WOAW' review!

It's just not with electronic goods but also cars , clothes .....uff what not ! At the end of the day everyone wants to own amazing things , whether they need or not! And yeah its mostly to show others than us having a satisfaction for ourselves . You might still say , I get satisfaction by showing off . After spending so much , you should at least get that if not find any use. And with some people , they would postpone buying something more important as they would have gone over their budget to buy something they never wanted.

How much more garbage should we buy to impress others ? When I look around in my room with these thoughts , I see most of things that I hardly use. I remember I was very excited when I bought them. They were the most hyped things at that point of time . I stopped using them when the hype went down( or something else took over). These things are neither a junk to throwaway nor something I would use . Probably I will find a day to use them , till then I have to keep it safe.

I have started to clean my room and my thoughts.Have you ?

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My thoughts over this article came from an article published in the Mint newspaper. The writer had several facts and figures to show that rural India has started to spend more on non-food materials , especially electronic goods.The article went on about the growing thirst for technology even in rural India . The point that caught my mind was something else and it led to this article . Talking about Mint , its a great newspaper . No ads , no spicy stories  nor unwanted cine drama. I love one of these columns called Claim check where they find relevant facts if a statement made by a public figure is true or not . If you are not satisfied with the writings of your Newspaper or even better want to read a analysed and researched article then buy your copy of Mint today :-)

DISCLAIMER : I am not paid for this Ad  :-P 

I want to be famous , albeit on facebook!

I was happily munching my evening snacks while I was checking facebook and one of my friend updated her status "Watched  (some movie) with (some friends) . Thanks to ( tagged  all friends) for making this day so beautiful #besttimeever".Within no time , one of her tagged friend replied " Same here. crazy day it was!We are awesome!". Later the discussion went on with all the tagged friends discussing about how amazing the day was and posted some pictures taken in front of the theater with all combination of friends in different poses .This got me thinking , to whom was the status update, if the only people discussing about it are the friends who went to the movie with her?

We all are so happy about the advent of technology , and internet is one of them . We spend many hours over the net. Check our emails, shop , read news and most importantly enjoy our presence in a social media. Not just any social media , but 'facebook' . Nearly 9 hours is spent by an average user on facebook every month . But you and I both know the fact that in urban India the time spent on facebook per day itself is 9 hours for many.

facebook is no more a social media to share something useful or funny or share about events of their life but more a tool for many to create an identity online and make themselves look more fun , more appealing than they actually are ! They have a serious obsession in getting more likes for their updates and want to show that they have a cool life (like nobody has/ better than some/ like everybody else). Endlessly post pictures of themselves with a variety of poses / amazing places(not just the beach pictures from their vacation but even their short time visit to local malls) they visit, update every task they do as a status  like " ooooo I bought a pair of shoes I always wanted!" and sometimes people add a picture of shoes along with it. And someone would reply "Cheating ! Even I wanted this! 1000 likes gal". Apple.inc products have appeared in more status and pictures than anything else. "Guess what ? My iphone/ipad/mac is here ! Could not have wished for a better day". Seriously ? Don't you want to update about the amazing food you ate? Not to forget the addition of hash tags everywhere. #feelingawesome #oncloudnine #LOL ...the list goes on forever. These updates are supposed to make them more fun and appealing and they may be successful on facebook given that majority of them think like that but is it really them? or just their facebook profile?

I see psychological and peer pressure to stand out from the crowd in the virtual world , don't know if they want to do the same in the real world. And these obsessed minds "like" others post so that they can get enough likes for their posts. Some are anxious about how many likes they would have got on facebook the minute they post something. And for these people there are apps too , which gives as many fake likes as they need! " Awwwwwww ! #awesomeness "

facebook is fun . I like it but obsession of being popular ?! hmm well its up to us to choose! The endless hours spent in making someone else feel you are amazing could actually be used to help someone. I am not talking about helping outsiders or social responsibility or charity. These days we don't help our own family members.Those fake smiles for picture can become true , that happiness to update a status can be tripled , that like on our status from someone unknown can be a heartfelt gratitude from our dear ones by just helping our family and friends.Then why facebook?